Well, hopefully it becomes an interactive look at the editing process. You know, kind of like Query Shark, but for actual writing. I'll show you what I mean:
He felt the road give a shudder as it came to life beneath his Honda. First it rotated him a quarter turn clockwise. He was facing the base of a mountain. He looked back to the guards, but all they offered was a little wave before turning back to the control panel. Next his stomach lurched as the platform lowered him into the ground. His vision changed from green foliage to the grease and oil-stained sides of the platform shaft. The sounds of his car’s engine resonated off the walls. These echoes lasted a few more seconds until Alex and his car were clear of the shaft, an endless tunnel under the mountain now filling his vision. He heard gears whirring below as he neared the ground. A solid thud as the platform settled into its recession marked the end of his journey.
Yuck. That's from the first draft of my novel, Alex Armstrong: Awakening (it was actually called something else back then). The majority of that first draft was crap. In fact, I told myself that no one would ever see it, but since this blog has zero readers, and I've got to fill this space with something, welp, there it is. But hey, first drafts are supposed to be crap. I mean, all you're really doing at that point is getting the story out of your head.
So about that editing....
He felt the road give a shudder as it came to life beneath his Honda. First it rotated him a quarter turn clockwise. He was facing the base of a mountain. He looked back to the guards, but all they offered was a little wave before turning back to the control panel. Next his stomach lurched as the platform lowered him into the ground. His vision changed from green foliage to the grease and oil-stained sides of the platform shaft. The sounds of his car’s engine resonated off the walls. These echoes lasted a few more seconds until Alex and his car were clear of the shaft, an endless tunnel under the mountain now filling his vision. He heard gears whirring below as he neared the ground. A solid thud as the platform settled into its recession marked the end of his journey.
Yuck. That's from the first draft of my novel, Alex Armstrong: Awakening (it was actually called something else back then). The majority of that first draft was crap. In fact, I told myself that no one would ever see it, but since this blog has zero readers, and I've got to fill this space with something, welp, there it is. But hey, first drafts are supposed to be crap. I mean, all you're really doing at that point is getting the story out of your head.
So about that editing....
The writing in this selection is very amateurish. Poor word choices, passive verbs out the wazoo, tedious sentence structure, etc. At least some of the imagery is memorable. Instead of marking up that selection, I'll just go ahead and post the first revision.
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